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What Makes Someone Ask for
a Divorce
By
NATALIE MAXIMETS
November 7, 2021
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“What makes someone leave one partner for another? Or what forces
someone to ask about divorce?” These are the most common questions
asked on different divorce blogs and forums.
This article collects the ten most common reasons why partners
choose to leave the marriage. It may help you to recognize alarm bells
and protect your marriage from failure. Or it may give you the
vocabulary to describe your concerns in mediation.
The Reasons Why Partners Ask for a Divorce
Many people believe in the incompatibility of horoscopes and that this
is the reason many relationships fail. But does this mean that a Virgo
wife will leave her Sagittarius partner?
If stars could explain all our actions, life would be much easier. But the
truth is that our lives and relationships are a series of our own choices
and actions. So let’s study the earthly reasons for leaving beloved ones.
1. Lack of Emotional Connection
Emotional intimacy is a deep bond between spouses where both
partners feel love, security, and trust.
Even introverts who don’t like to share their feelings need emotional
connection. Moreover, lack of emotional intimacy leads to a weakening
of interest and need for a partner.
To establish emotional intimacy, spouses should communicate with
each other. Joint activities, interests, and feelings contribute to
strengthening healthy relationships.
2. Communication Problems
According to an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML)
study, about 67.5 percent of marriages break up due to communication
problems.
Failure to listen and hear a partner leads to constant arguments and
quarrels. It also includes keeping silent about personal thoughts and
desires. Unfortunately, humans do not yet have the ability to read each
other’s minds.
Due to lack of communication, other reasons for divorce arise, such as
adultery and neglect. To improve the quality of communication,
spouses should spend more time together, discussing daily issues,
interests, views, and goals for life.
If a couple has hit the point where they can not reach an expected
consequence, they can turn to a family psychotherapist or coach for
help. Experts will listen to both sides, determine the root of the
problem, and help overcome it together.
3. No Long-Term Marriage Goals
Spouses should have common short and long-term goals. If a couple
has incompatible plans for the future, either partner can leave the
marriage.
When your spouse asks for a divorce, it may be related to the desire to
get something different from life. That’s why the spouses should make
sure they want the same things:
•
Where do spouses see themselves in five years?
•
Do they want to have children?
•
Will they split or share their finances?
•
What role will relatives play in the relationship?
•
Will spouses live in a city or suburb?
Simple questions can show the difference between the partners in the
same situation. As a result, it will make it challenging for married life.
4. Lack of Sex Life
Sex is one part of a healthy relationship. It strengthens emotional
connections and satisfies the physical needs of the partners.
A study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior
reported that sexual activity triggers the release of the hormone
oxytocin. This hormone is responsible for stress reduction and mood
improvement.
One of the reasons why partners may be dissatisfied with their sex life
in marriage is the embarrassment of talking about their sexual desires
and what they don’t like. Therefore, both partners should work
through this issue, encouraging and not judging.
Spouses need to step out of their comfort zone, try new positions or
switch their roles (active and passive, if they share). They also should
study the sensitive points of their partner’s body. It can take time, of
course, but be patient.
Partners should not forget about the right mood. Sex without the
necessary feelings turns into an automated fulfillment of marital duty
and discourages any desire to engage in it.
5. Comparison with Others
Another reason a partner might accidentally hurt the other feelings is
by comparing them to exes, friends, and coworkers. Nobody likes to be
compared with another.
If spouses want to maintain a healthy relationship, it is worth focusing
on their partners’ benefits. For example, they should avoid
comparative “whys” and “buts,” or one day they might find out that
their spouse is looking up “how to ask for a divorce” on the Internet.
Each personality is unique. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Your significant other may also be an example for someone to look up
to.
6. Partners Don’t Spend Time Together
Partners who spend limited time together lose interest and mental
connection with each other. During a joint vacation, they have a chance
to establish communication, discuss plans for the future, and get to
know each other from the other side.
The less time spouses spend with each other, the less they know each
other. And at some point, it may seem to the partner that the person
next to them is just a passer-by.
Partners should remember what they did and where they went when
they started dating. Then, spouses can give the relationship a new
breath.
Spouses should not use children and work as an excuse that there is no
time for this. Instead, they can hire a babysitter or ask friends to sit
with their children while they reminisce about the old days.
7. Absence of Respect
Respect is the foundation of a relationship. Accordingly, a lack of
respect in marriage can lead to its end.
Sometimes spouses unknowingly cross the line. They may view their
actions as caring. For example, a partner can hide unpleasant
information or always say what and how to do it.
To make the marriage strong, partners should eliminate signs of
disrespect for each other as soon as they appear. Among the signs of
disrespect for a partner are:
•
Mistrust;
•
Failure to respect personal boundaries;
•
The presence of a large number of secrets;
•
Doesn’t value the partner’s time;
•
Using weaknesses against a spouse;
•
Reproaches;
•
Frequent interruption of speech.
8. Toxic Relationship
Unfortunately, marriage is not always healthy. Partners can behave
extremely disrespectfully to each other and constantly insult and
belittle the dignity of the other.
No spouse wants to endure constant conflicts in a relationship, no
matter how much they love their significant other. Signs of a toxic
relationship include:
•
Total control;
•
Jealousy;
•
Disloyalty;
•
Constant indication of the partner’s weaknesses and
shortcomings;
•
Constant groundless disputes;
•
Dismissive comments;
•
Dishonesty.
If spouses really want to save their marriage and love their partners,
they should reconsider their attitude towards the relationship.
Partners should trust their spouse more, discuss difficulties, and look
for solutions together when they arise.
Your beloved is your ally, not your enemy.
9. Dissatisfaction with The Marriage
If a spouse is dissatisfied with the conditions of the marriage, they may
begin to ask for a divorce peacefully. Dissatisfaction can affect
different areas such as sex, support, caring, etc.
Based on the dissatisfaction, the couple may often quarrel or, on the
contrary, silently distance themselves from each other. Therefore, to
prevent the dissolution of the marriage, partners should discuss their
expectations for the union in advance.
Prenuptial agreements allow both spouses to stipulate all the
conditions of their marriage in detail. It also protects the couple from
disagreements during divorce if they fail to save the marriage.
10. Personal Changes
People tend to change. A new job, a new acquaintance, or a recent
event – all this can change our outlook and priorities in life.
However, spouses can change at different rates. A person who was
ideally matched in all aspects of life yesterday may seem wholly alien
and unattainable today.
Personal change is not anyone’s fault. However, if one spouse feels that
they and their beloved are in different periods of life, they may want to
go their separate way. And then there is nothing you can do. C’est la
vie!
Final Words
Partners should both work on the relationship. If you feel that
something is going wrong, you should have a heart-to-heart talk with
your spouse and find a proper solution.
It would be helpful to find out what your partner likes and wants (in
sex too). Do not hesitate to ask, and do not blame them for it. They will
treat you the same way with care and affection.

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