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EAC594 EMAIL ASSIGNMENT: Email Rewrite – Individual Submission
The following email message from Kennedy Freed asks his assistant
Camille Chavez to write an email with information about various
speakers. However, the message Kennedy has written is poorly
written: it badly needs a re-write.
Study the message and think of what you have learned about
business style and professional emails. Rewrite this message to
improve its weaknesses.
Weaknesses
a. Lacks a subject line that identifies the major idea of the message.
b. Fails to open directly by telling Camille what she is to do.
c. Masses too much information in bulky paragraphs.
d. Does not organize information so that it is easy for the reader to comprehend quickly.
e. Places action information in the opening paragraph instead of at the end.
f. Suffers from wordiness and inclusion of unnecessary details.
g. Fails to include a deadline and reason for completing the task.
Date : June 20, 2020
To: Camille Chavez c.chavez@firstfederal.com
From Kennedy Freed k.freed@firstfederal.com
Subject: Luncheon Talks
You’ve probably seen us working hard to get speakers to speak at our
“Lunch and Learn” sessions. Well, guess what? We’ve finally lined up
speakers for September to October. It took a little twisting of arms, but we
do have some really good speakers lined up. We’re scheduling the talks
from 12 noon to 1 pm, but the speakers should plan to speak only 30
minutes and leave 10 to 20 minutes for questions and answers.
What I need you to do is to send messages to these speakers to confirm. If
any of them has questions or needs to change his date, just have them call
my cell at 213-348-4421. We will need to get this done as soon as possible
since the listing will be released in early September. The speakers include
Alina Adams, who agreed to speak at our first fall session on Tuesday,
September 24. Her topic is “How to Talk So People Will Listen.” Another
interesting speaker is Caitlyn Cervantes. Her topic is “Top Ten Tips for
Eating Healthy.” Caitlyn’s date is Tuesday October 22. Another speaker
who just agreed is Brandon Tabaldo, and his topic is “Staying Safe: Private
and Secure Social Networks.” We were able to schedule Mr Tobaldo for
Tuesday October 15.
Oh yes, wait! Here are the e-mail addresses for the speakers:
Alina.adamns@circe.com, ttabalso@ intercoastal.com, and
caitylyn.cervantes@rio.com Thank you for doing this for me, Camille.
Kennedy Freed
Manager, First Federal
112 Lundy Lane, Head Office 310
k.freed@firstfederal.com
When you re-write the email, remember to do the following:
1. Provide a subject line that clearly and concisely states the purpose of the
message
2. Summarize the main idea immediately and clearly in the opening line or
introduction (begin directly)
3. Organize related information into paragraphs that explain the main idea.
List information for readability.
4. Request a specific action with an end date and a reason.
RUBRIC
Subject Line
Opening
Tone
Effective Organization
(Coherence) of Body
Uses Graphic Highlighting
Reader Benefits (you view) and
Shows Appreciation
Language
Format / Look of Email and
Follows Instructions
MARKS
2
3
5
10
4
6
10
10
TOTAL: 50
Your email needs to
– Look like an email in its format (use the template)
– Appear as ONLY the email in a WORD document
– Use a 12-point font in ARIAL or TIMES NEW ROMAN
– DO NOT USE COLOUR fonts
– DO NOT USE EXCLAMATION POINTS
– DO NOT DOUBLE SPACE – Leave space between paragraphs
– DO NOT INDENT PARAGRAPHS

Your email rewrite should reflect the above improvements and the body must be
150 words or less. Be aware that you do not write overly long sentences (limit your
sentences to under 25 words each). Remember, contractions (I’m) are OKAY in
day to day emails.
Remember the 6C’s of Business Writing in your work: Complete, Concise, Correct,
Coherent, Convincing, Courteous.
COPY this template into a WORD document and type your improved
email. Submit in the DROP BOX on BLACKBOARD. When I open
your assignment, it only show the email you revised, not all these
instructions.
Use this template and create a clear and appropriate subject line for
the response:
Date : June 20, 2020
To: Camille Chavez c.chavez@firstfederal.com
From Kennedy Freed k.freed@firstfederal.com
Subject:
———————————————————————————————————————

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