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I’m working on a writing project and need support to help me learn.

find the essay in the attachment

all the comments I get, please fix that

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1: I particularly appreciated the inclusion of global events before and during the holocaust, as the Second World War and the Holocaust had major affects on each other during the time of the Third Reich. A major problem is the lack of strong topic sentences and research evidence to back them up.

2: Correct margins. Correct top-right corner information. Block of 4 is missing class name, also use Prof. Kohl instead of full name. Good title. Paragraphs have extra spaces inbetween them, while body paragraph 5 is missing an indentation. Paragraphs are all under 1 page, however many of them are very short and do not have the content to introduce and develop an idea, and should be combined with other paragraphs. There are no direct quotes. The paper comes up just short of the full 6 page requirement. Arad, Mendes-Flohr, and Shandler are never cited in-text.

3: 1. Hook type: The hook used is a definition, not a story/stat/quote. 2. Inspiration connects the hook to the topic. 3. There is no why question used. 4. There’s no philosophical thesis statement and if the last sentence were a thesis, it would introduce an encylopedia article because it makes no claim about the holocaust.

4: Body paragraph 1 goes all over the place, talking about Nazi’s rise to power, Nazi values, and specific policies that were enacted. Body paragraph 2: 2nd and 3rd sentences have nothing to do with the topic of the paragraph. Body paragraph 8’s topic sentence suggests the paragraph will cover the justifications given by Nazis for the holocaust, but instead discusses what the “final solution” was and also the expansion of Nazi Germany into Poland and Eastern Europe. Body paragraph 10 starts by stating Nazi germany’s position in the war during 1941, but then discusses post war actions by the Allies in 1945. There are no citations/cited evidence in body paragraphs 1,2,6,7,9,10,11. The citations that are present are formatted correctly, except for MaÅ‚czyÅ„ski, which is cited in-text as (MaÅ‚czyÅ„ski 190), rather than the correct form, (MaÅ‚czyÅ„ski et al 190). There are no direct quotes to evaluate.

5: Conclusion does not pose a question or relate back to the hook. It also does not mention the Pyramid of Hate by name, only by the levels.

6: Passive verbs are present all throughout the paper, with particularly heavy use of “was” and “were”. “you” and similar pronouns are not used. “it” is used only twice, once on page 1 and once on page 4. “thing” is never used. The dozen bad egg words are not used in the paper. Many paragraphs have weak or unrelated topic sentences. In body paragraph 3, for example, it states that the Nazis supported the holocaust, rather than stating that the Nazis created the holocaust. 7 paragraphs are missing research evidence, and all are in the form of paraphrasing. Consider adding a few direct quotes to strengthen your arguments.

7: The graphic is relevant to genocide and also addresses the Holocaust specifically. Good stuff.

8: Arad, Longerich, Mendes-Flohr, Shandler, and Traverso all missing pieces from their citations.

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There are a few instances of either typos or factual innaccuracies, such as: “In the first days of Adolf Hitler’s rule in 1993, he realized that he was awaiting failure unless he restored German pride after the Versailles treaty.”

A few sentences have structures that I suspect switched during writing, for example: “The Nazis rapidly strengthened their power through the use of the February 1933 Reichstag Fire to begin their reign of terror.”

There are a few sentences that need to be revised for clarity, such as: “The Nazis rapidly grew more, securing their power, and the Nuremberg laws of 1935 removed from the Jewish citizenship of 1938 became even more direct.”

My favorite about your paper is the information you have provided as well as the visual graphic. I can tell that you did very extensive research and you found a lot of rich information! As for the visual graphic I think it is very organized and fits with your information perfectly, great job!

You did a great job in terms of MLA formatting. The formatting of you paper was extremely neat and organized! My only suggestions regard the block of four and the title. For the block of four I would be to add the course name above the date. As for the title I think you have a really good foundation, however, it is a bit general, it might be effective to spice it up a bit, other than that everything looks good!

You have a really good informative introduction, however, I felt that the hook didn’t necessarily stand as a quote, statistic, or a question. Your opening sentence gave a great summary of what would be discussed but it might be effective to add a sentence before that to kind of lead into the informative aspect. Another suggestion I have involves the philosophical thesis, you mention you would be discussing the aspects of the holocaust in regard to the pyramid of hate, but it might help to expand on that more.

As mentioned previously, your body paragraphs have a tremendous amount of really rich information which is great, however, many of them are missing the in-text citations and I believe they are required for body paragraphs. My one suggestion would be just adding those citations, and everything should look great!

You have a really great conclusion, and it offers a great perspective, however, I felt it didn’t necessarily fit the hook. I do feel this might stem from the type of hook, but I think that by reworking these two aspects a bit they should fit beautifully together! I also would suggest adding more insight, I think you have a really interesting perspective, and it might be effective to discuss it a little more.

You do a fantastic job at keeping the passive verbs and banned words to a minimal which really elevated your discussion! The only suggestion I would make involves the flow of the sentences, some sentences, particularly the opening sentences flow difficulty but I think if you rework some of these sentences your paper should flow very nicely.

I think you did an amazing job on the visual graphic! It is very visually appealing, and it ties up the information in your paper perfectly. One suggestion I could make would probably be adding aspects of the pyramid of hate, I think that it would help to effectively elevate the information you provided.

Your works cited page looks great, everything is very neat and nicely organized! The one suggestion I have is to maybe add the permalinks on the sources that didn’t provide a doi. It might make it easier to trace the source of the citation, other than that, amazing job!

A1
Ta
Professor
14 April 2021
Factors That Led to the Holocaust
The term holocaust is defined as mass destruction, killing, or murder of a group of people.
The Nazis coined the Holocaust, a genocide which involved mass execution of Jews between 1933
and 1945. The Nazis rapidly strengthened their power through the use of the February 1933
Reichstag Fire to begin their reign of terror. The causes of the Holocaust were numerous, complex,
and interrelated, including Germany’s economics, fascist ideology, and Hitler’s personal racism
(Małczyński 190). This study aims to explore the particulars of the Holocaust, and to conclude
with an illustration of how the Holocaust was fashioned in the design of the Pyramid of Hate.
To begin with, it is important to explore the factors that led to the Holocaust. The first and
most prominent catalyst was the collaboration where German citizens and the German army swore
allegiance to Adolf Hitler. The German population quickly agreed with Hitler’s beliefs and actions
that perceived the Jewish community as deprived of all faiths and deserved to be eliminated. The
Nazi ideology was based on several main ideas: nationalism, the superiority of the race, antiSemitism, and anti-Communism. The Nazi persecution of Jews began with the policy of exclusion,
which removed and encouraged the emigration of Jews from certain occupations and educational
opportunities. The Nazis rapidly grew more, securing their power, and the Nuremberg laws of
1935 removed from the Jewish citizenship of 1938 became even more direct.
A2
Secondly, nationalism and First World War also catalyzed the occurrence of the Holocaust.
In the first days of Adolf Hitler’s rule in 1993, he realized that he was awaiting failure unless he
restored German pride after the Versailles treaty. The rise of Hitler in power and Nazi Germany
subsequently resulted in terror, torture, and abuse, namely the Holocaust. The end of the First
World War and the Treaty of Versailles left Germany demanding huge reparations from its people.
Most Germany citizens found the loss extremely difficult and humiliating, especially Adolf Hitler.
The country was in disarray; the population desperately needed a hero due to its rapidly rising
unemployment rates and deterioration. Nationalism and nostalgia for the country’s strength before
the war caused unrest. The popularization of nationalist and Nazi political parties and ideas like
anti-semitism began to propel nationalism.
Also, the rise of Nazis and Hitler significantly supported the Holocaust. Hitler quickly
became the leader of the Nazi party especially because of his impeccable oratory skills. However,
he disagreed with standard social traditions that concerned the country’s reinforcement. Hitler was
looking for someone to blame for the government’s weaknesses and used scapegoats that included
social groups such as Jews, Poles, and homosexuals. Hitler was entirely focused on the “pure
blood” of the people who didn’t fit his Aryan race, blonde and blue-eyed. Strong antisemitic beliefs
from his youth influenced Hitler and consequently manifested in his leadership styles (Ward 9).
Anti-semitism was extremely dangerous in the beginning of the 20th century. In 1933, an
overwhelmingly anti-Semitic party like the Nazis came to power. The German ‘Aryan’ race, Hitler
believed, was particularly devastating for Jewish people who had no room in Nazi Germany. The
Nazis enforced anti-semitic laws, persecuting Jews, ultimately leading to their deportation and
mass murder.
A3
Another key factor that empowered the Holocaust was radicalization of the Nazi state
administration. Before their elections, the Nazis spread propaganda about the powerful leader,
Hitler, who would bring Germany back to its first glory from its knees. Hitler was the driving force
for the Nazis in the early years and made significant changes in structure, branding, and political
power. He did not participate physically in all critical policy decisions but was involved in planning
and persecution (Traverso 137). Europe entered the 2nd World War under Hitler’s expansion
policies, known as Habitat.
Additionally, Hitler’s shrewd focus on Jews greatly added to the occurrence of the Holocaust.
Jewish concentration camps within Germany were established in 1933. These camps were
designed to detain Jews, Communists, Gypsies, homosexuals, and other outliers without due
process. Thousands of prisoners died because of the horrors of illness, mistreatment, and
malnutrition. More than 6 million people, mainly Jews and Poles, were killed in these camps
through the use of gas chambers. In the run-up to the Second World War, Hitler saw the need to
do away with lesser citizens from the country. Hitler ordered that all incurable disabilities be put
to death, starting with the most socially inept population (Longerich 12). This reiterates the
importance of understanding the Holocaust effects
Hitler then executed his forced segregation plan and enforced numerous laws on
discrimination. In 1933 the government and all the universities forbade all Jews, and the boycott
of Jewish shops was launched. But with those injustices, Hitler wasn’t satisfied. In 1935, Hitler
had established famous Nuremberg laws requiring all Jews not to be citizens but to be called
A4
“subjects.” Those laws also required installing all “not allowed Jews” songs in shops that were not
Jews’ property, the ban on intermarriages, and the closing of some occupations for the Jewish
population.
Thus, in Hitler world the solution to his problem was found after years of Hitler’s
maltreatment of the Jews with absolutely no retribution. The Jews, together with many Poles who
were left in an essentially uncertain environment, were unable to stop his insanity and were herded
into Poland’s borders. Jews’ failed attempts to revolt gave Hitler an excuse for further violence.
Hitler burned down their shops and synagogues, together with the Gestapo or the secret police,
then arrested thousands of Jews. The revolution was called Kristallnacht or Glass Night.
Of significant importance to also note is the use of eugenics and social Darwinist theories
that Hitler and the Nazis later used as a pseudo-scientific justification for their notions of lower
races as non-Aryans. By the end of 1939, it became apparent that Hitler had been the sole
perpetrator of mass executions in Poland and had been devoted to the deportation of the Jews to
concentration camps. In 1941, in preparing what would later be called Hitler’s “final solution,” he
started mass expulsion of Germans to the Eastern European ghettos (Wyman 20). There was the
systematic killing of Jews in Polish extermination camps with his full consent and knowledge.
Goebbels declared in his diary that “the Fuhrer decided to take a clean sweep with regard to the
Jewish question.” Soon after the mass murders, Hitler invaded Soviet Russia and shut down his
concepts of conquest in the East that was “inextricably bound up to destroy the Bolshevism’s
“biological roots” and hence to wipe out all the Jews under the German domination.”
A5
Hitler prematurely declared his Soviet Union defeat following his success. However, the
harsh winters that accompanied the territory were not taken into account. The mobile warfare used
by his troops in the snow-covered terrain is now out of use. The disasters he now faced led to his
disapproval of many of his key commanders, and he took over all military operations.
Moreover, by 1941, he was defensively opposed to the Italians, the Americans newly
involved, and the Russian revitalized. In 1945, after the defeat of the Nazis in the war, the Allied
Armed Forces, the US, and Russia freed the German government’s concentration camps. Jointly,
the American and Russian armies went to Germany to liberate Jewish prisoners from the
concentration camps, after which German allies took over. Adolf Hitler eventually committed
suicide in 1945. At the beginning of 1945, the Allied Armies, the US, and Russia, after the Nazis
had been defeated in war, freed up people from the German government concentration camps.
The Germans had the stereotypical attitude that they were highly superior to Jews in
religion and race. With Adolf Hitler’s process of stratification thinking, most Jews they arrested
were killed. Hitler and his military of heartless men destroyed an inferior society with a broader
but narrower mind, without instruments and the means to fight to save their own lives.
Today, Holocaust-like events are still taking place in some parts of the world. About two
decades ago, genocide in African Rwanda took place, killing almost 800,000 people. Genocide is
a defining feature of history that covers various key historical processes: war, imperialism, the
building of the state, and class fighting.
A6
Evidently, the Holocaust is an ideal illustration of how tiny seeds of hate that are
accommodated at lower levels rapidly grow into life-threatening violence. The Nazis, in support
of Hitler’s beliefs, did not question his hateful perceptions of the Jews but instead accommodated
them. Soon, the perceptions turned into Acts of Bias against the Jews, their lacking of blue eyes
being basis for their ridicule. Soon after, Jews were economically, socially and politically
disregarded and thought as less worthy members of the society. Small scale violence then followed
with Hitler using the Jews as ransom for the Second World War, and eventually the Holocaust that
saw the death of six million Jews men, women and children took place.
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A8
Works Cited
Arad, Yitzhak. Holocaust in the Soviet Union. University of Nebraska Press, 2009. eBook
Collection (EBSCOhost).
Longerich, Peter. Holocaust: The Nazi Persecution and Murder of the Jews. Oxford University
Press, 2010. eBook Collection (EBSCOhost).
Małczyński, Jacek, et al. “The Environmental History of the Holocaust.” Journal of Genocide
Research, vol. 22, no. 2, 2020, pp. 183–196, doi:10.1080/14623528.2020.1715533.
Mendes-Flohr, Paul.”German Studies Review.” German Jews: A Dual Identity, Yale University
Press, 1999, pp. 1–50.
Shandler, Jeffrey. Holocaust Memory in the Digital Age : Survivors’ Stories and New Media
Practices. Stanford University Press, 2017. eBook Collection (EBSCOhost).
Traverso, Enzo. The Holocaust and German-Jewish Culture in Exile. European and Latin
American Social Scientists as Refugees, Émigrés and Return‐Migrants, 2018, pp. 131–
149.
Ward, Elizabeth. “Revisiting the Crimes of the Past: the Image of the Perpetrator in Recent
German Holocaust Film.” Holocaust Studies, vol. 27, no. 2, 2019, pp. 1–11,
doi:10.1080/17504902.2019.1637503.

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