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PEER REVIEW INSTRUCTIONS

Exercise CS3—Workshop 3 Responses
Directions for Peer Review
Instructions: One of the best ways to improve writing is to seek input from readers. For this exercise,
you will have an opportunity to collaborate with other members of the class and exchange suggestions
about ways to improve the case studies. The goal of the workshop is to help one another improve the
case study before submitting the final version. Please do your best to offer concrete suggestions in
a positive tone.
As you read the drafts of other members of your group, please feel free to use the Comment section in
the Word documents to offer suggestions (or praise!).

In addition, prepare an additional entry in the
Forum in which you address some of the questions below. Select the questions that are most relevant
for the specific case study you are reading. There is no need to answer all of them. Just be sure when
you do address a question that you provide a thorough explanation of your response.
You will each respond to the case studies of two other students. Each review can earn up to 10 possible
points. Points will be determined based on the specificity and quality of suggestions, thoroughness, and
tone.

Cover Letter
1) Introductory Paragraph: How effective is the introductory paragraph of the cover letter? Does the
letter state clearly what the writer’s purpose is? What can be improved and why?
2) Development: Do the body paragraphs refer to specific detail? How well does the writer connect his
or her experience to the specific needs of the new job?
3) Audience Action: Does the letter clearly indicate what the recipient is to do in response? What
additional information is needed?
4) Organization: How effective is the organization? Might some part of the letter be moved or changed
to make the it tighter or more interesting? Are all parts of the letter relevant to the subject?
Recommendations?
5) Tone: How would you describe the tone of the letter? Does it avoid creating an emotional or negative
mood or sounding overconfident? What particular words or phrases might be problematic for
maintaining a neutral and professional tone?
6) Content: What information presented in the letter should be more detailed? What additional
information do you think would be helpful to include? Why?
7) Sentences: How effective are the sentences? Are there a variety of sentence types? Are all sentences
tightly constructed, or might some need to be revised for conciseness?
Resume
1) Organization: How effective is the organization? Might some part of the resume be moved or
changed to make the it tighter or more interesting? Are all parts of the resume relevant?
Recommendations?
2) Tone: How would you describe the tone? Does it avoid creating an emotional or negative mood or
sounding overconfident? What particular words or phrases might be problematic for maintaining a
neutral and professional tone?
3) Content: What information presented in the letter should be more detailed? What additional
information do you think would be helpful to include? Why?
4) Style: How effective is the style? Does the author use parallel construction? Are all sections clear,
focused, concise, and detailed?
5) Readability: How visually appealing is the document? What suggestions can you offer to make the
document easier to read and more attractive?
Follow-up Letter
1) Introductory Paragraph: How effective is the introductory paragraph of the cover letter? Does the
letter state clearly what the writer’s purpose is? What can be improved and why?
2) Development: Do the body paragraphs refer to specific detail? How well does the writer offer
specific references to the interview?
3) Closing: Does the letter close with positive and engaging sentences?
4) Organization: How effective is the organization? Might some part of the letter be moved or changed
to make the it tighter or more interesting? Are all parts of the letter relevant to the subject?
Recommendations?
5) Tone: How would you describe the tone of the letter? Does it avoid creating an emotional or negative
mood or sounding overconfident? What particular words or phrases might be problematic for
maintaining a neutral and professional tone?
6) Content: What information presented in the letter should be more detailed? What additional
information do you think would be helpful to include? Why?

Here is a link to the job posting I used:
https://isu.joinhandshake.com/postings?page=1&per_page=25&sort_direction=desc&sort_colu
mn=default&ref=content-type-nav&employment_type_names%5B%5D=FullTime&job.job_types%5B%5D=9&majors%5B%5D=180&majors%5B%5D=229391
Lauren Tully
Tulllaur@isu.edu
(208) 650 – 2655
593 N. 1089 E. Jackson, ID 83350
March 10, 2023
Stotz Equipment
Dear Stotz Equipment,
I found your job posting on Handshake. I am delighted to be applying for the position for the
Executive Leadership Development Program. This position interests me because I am a
longtime admirer of your leadership team and would love to be a part of your company.
My most notable skills include staying on task, being meticulous and time management.
Currently I am in my last semester of the MBA program at Idaho State University. I have a
bachelor’s degree in Finance and Management. From my education in the College of Business,
I have had ample experience in problem solving skills and spreadsheets. From my past work
experience at Idaho State University, Bealls and Saint Nicholas Catholic School, I excel in multitasking, managing change, and conflict resolution.
Thank you for taking time out of your day to review my application. I know my skills and past
experience make me an ideal candidate for the Executive Leadership Development Program at
Stotz Equipment. I am quite excited to take part in this role and look forward to discussing my
potential in an interview.
Respectfully,
Lauren Tully
Lauren Elizabeth Tully
(208) 650-2655 – Tulllaur@isu.edu
Education:
●
●
●
MBA Program at Idaho State University
o (Aug 2022 – May 2023)
Bachelor’s Degree in Finance and Management at Idaho State University
o (June 2019 – May 2022)
Graduate of Minico High School in Rupert, Idaho
o (Aug 2015 – May 2019)
Experience:
●
●
●
●
●
Idaho State University, Pocatello, ID
o Implementation of savings strategies
o Email correspondence
o Data Entry utilizing Excel, BOX, and Banner9 programs
Bealls, Burley, ID
o Customer service
o Computer cashiering
o Dealing with confidential information
â–ª June 2019 – August 2020
Rustic & Tarnish, Rupert, ID
o Cashiering
o Experience in assisting customers to generate sales
â–ª 2017- 2019
Minico Greenhouse (Volunteer)
o Customer Service
o Cashiering
o Displayed teamwork and a positive attitude
â–ª May 2016
Saint Nicholas Catholic School, Rupert, ID (Volunteer)
o Teamwork experience
o Displayed an professional attitude
â–ª August – November 2014
â–ª December – March 2019
References:
• Bealls Department Manager: Karen Roth (208) 431-0245
• Saint Nicholas Teacher: Page Eberhardt (208) 670-2084
To: HR@stotzeq.com
Subject: Re: Employment Interview
Dear Mr. Stotz:
Thank you for the opportunity to interview yesterday. Please extend my appreciation to the
whole Stoz leadership team, as they were so welcoming.
I left our meeting yesterday with such excitement about your company. From the 45 minutes I
was in at the Pocatello location for the interview, I gained such strong insight on how your
company runs, especially how customer oriented your employees are. After speaking with you
about the goals of your company, I foresee the position in the Executive Leadership
Development Program as a great chance for me to help you better implement those goals within
your organization.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at Tulllaur@isu.edu.
Sincerely,
Lauren Tully
Link to Monster.com job posting: https://www.monster.com/job-openings/clinic-administratormeridian-id–50361100-c0bb-4e41-b3a2-ddd8d7e3a7e1
Tiffany Gridley
555 N. Senate St.
Boise, ID 83704
Phone: (208)555-0086
Email: tiffanygridley@isu.edu
Ms. Judy Bloom
Director, Human Resources
Primary Health Medical Group
2806 N. State St.
Boise, ID 83706
Dear Ms. Bloom,
I was informed by a previous professor of mine at Idaho State University, Dr. Jodi Foster, you are
currently recruiting a Clinic Administrator for a Primary Health Clinic in the Meridian area. I am quite
interested in the position as it would offer me the opportunity to fulfill my career goals, as well as
promote a company that is widely known in the treasure valley for providing great service to its’ clients.
As someone who grew up in the Boise area, I know how critical and convenient your services are for
families in the community.
I will bring with me up-to-date information on the most recent health care administrative practices and
software uses, as indicated in my resume. I also bring with me extensive business management experience
from Target, where I am a General Merchandise Team Leader and am tasked with managing a team of 50
team members to execute daily routines to provide the best experience for our guests. I focus on teaching
and training my team to efficiently and accurately stock shelves, fill from the stock room, re-set the store,
and provide accurate pricing.
In addition to managing a team, as a Team Leader I am tasked with creating planning strategies for daily,
weekly, and monthly workload goals and ensuring the plans are executed. On a small scale I write weekly
payroll plans for workload allocation of which averages 175 hours a week. On a larger scale, I have
planned our stores Black Friday product placement, staging, and sell down strategy three years in a row. I
bring with me the ability to adapt quickly when plans do not go as intended and recalculate the best way
to accomplish the overall goal. I also bring with me communication skills as accomplishing larger goals
does require the collaborating with multiple other Leaders in the building. I also am tasked with assessing
performance of my team members and have extensive experience in performance management and
corrective action plans.
Could we schedule a meeting at your convince to discuss the position further? Please call me any at (208)
555-0086 or e-mail me at tiffanygridley@isu.edu.
Sincerely,
Tiffany Gridley
Enclosure: Resume
Tiffany Gridley
555 North Senate Street
Boise, ID 83704
(208) 555-0086
tiffanygridley@isu.edu
Education_____________________________________________________________________
Idaho State University
Bachelors of Business, Health Care Administration
•
•
Pocatello, ID
June 2021
New Student Orientation Leader for 2 years
Member: Alpha Xi Delta Sorority, National Society of Collegiate Scholars
Experience____________________________________________________________________
Target Corporation
Boise, ID
General Merchandise Team Leader
July 2015 – Current
• Lead a team of 50 to accomplish daily workload.
• Teach and train team members to meet company driven time goals
• Plan weekly and monthly workload provided by headquarters.
• Allocate payroll to work centers based on weekly workload.
• Execute data management strategies across multiple departments
• Conduct meetings with Leaders across multiple departments to discuss monthly planning goals.
• Planned and executed all major transitions, including all major brand launches, Black Friday and
Christmas.
• Ensured safety and product handling procedures are followed.
• Provide guests with the best experience possible in our store.
Pocatello Pet Lodge
Receptionist
•
•
•
•
•
Pocatello, ID
Sep. 2013 – April 2015
Take phone reservations for boarding, daycare, and grooming services
Create charts for all animals within the facility
Compile bills for all acquired services
Provide information on all services to new clients over the phone and in person
Provide recommendations for food, training, and veterinary services
• Proficient in Intravet software
Vector Marketing Company
Sales Representative
•
•
•
•
Explain the design of CUTCO Knives.
Demonstrate and educate proper knife handling skills
Actively communicate with customers.
Arrange appointments over the phone with customers.
Boise, ID
May 2013 – Aug. 2013
Tiffany Gridley
555 N. Senate St.
Boise, ID 83704
(208) 555-0086
March 30, 2021
Ms. Judy Bloom
Director, Human Resources
Primary Health Medical Group
2806 N. State St.
Boise, ID 83706
Dear Ms. Bloom,
I am pleased to accept your offer of $51,700 per year as the Clinical Administrator for Primary
Health Medical Group, Meridian office.
After graduation, I plan to give my notice at Target Corporation, stating my last day as Friday,
May 21. As I am currently living locally, I will be available to report for work the following
Monday, May 24. Please let me know if this date will work for you.
I look forward to working with the physicians and staff at the Meridian office.
Yours truly,
Tiffany Gridley

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